Honour Thy Father

Posted on June 16, 2014 by thewildcreanberries

Yesterday it was Father’s Day in lots of countries, including Kenya. Our youngest daughter lives in New Zealand and it doesn’t happen there until September.

So in honour of all dads (and single mums) I’m writing this blog, but especially in honour of Pete’s dad – Alvin Crean.

Dad is in hospital and we are all unsure of how much longer he’ll be with us. At 83 his heart is just holding on. It’s been a tough week for all of the family, we all knew it was going to happen but it doesn’t make it any easier.

It’s hit Pete really hard being so far away from everyone. The last time he saw his dad it was exactly 2 years ago. It was to say goodbye before we moved to Kenya. Pete knew it would be the last time he saw his dad, so it was extra special. Yesterday we did get to make him a video and then speak to him which was really good.

There’s some quite famous Creans across the world. One of them was Thomas Crean, an explorer that went to Antarctica with Ernest Shackleton. In fact this year there was a huge festival in his name held in Wellington, New Zealand. It looks like they originated from Ireland and made their way across the world.

The family crest

There’s even a ‘Creans Road’ named after Pete’s grandad in Waihi.

In 1960 Pete’s dad married his mum (Alma). She already had 4 children from her previous husband who had passed away. That’s a huge thing to take on 4 kids that aren’t your own. Then, Pete and his sister were taken in when their birth parents abandoned them. Pete and Dawn were just a toddler and a baby.

It takes a lot of courage to take on 6 children with none of them being biologically yours. It wasn’t always a peaceful household and Pete has lots of colourful stories about his upbringing.

Pete liked living where they did because their house was on the fenceline of the school. In fact, it was only a few years ago that his parents moved out of there to a more rural setting.

The Crean house in Tokoroa

Our girls loved visiting their grandparents little lifestyle block. There were pigs, dogs, chickens and lots of parrots. Pete’s dad loves birds. Even now at 83 he keeps birds in the back yard. One of our regrets is that he didn’t get to come to Africa and see the amazing wildlife here. He would’ve really liked that.

One thing I really respect about Pete is that he honours his dad. He doesn’t agree with everything he did or said but the fact that he took in so many and provided for them and calls them ‘all of his kids’ says a lot. On our wedding day, 26 years ago, Pete made sure during the speeches that his parents were given the due respect and thanks. Although it’s a blended family I’ve never heard anyone say ‘step brother’, ‘step sister’ or his dad say ‘they’re not MY kids’.

December 1987

Some handy things Pete’s dad has taught him (purposely or not):

Work hard/play hard
Provide for your family even if you have to get 2 or 3 jobs
Always be hospitable (be ready with that cup of tea)
Every kid is special, they are not an accident
Treat animals well
It’s okay to argue with your spouse but work it out cause you still have to live with them

Pete and his sisters at the bar

Whether you’ve had a good relationship with your dad or a real crappy one, take whatever lessons you can and use them in your own family. We choose the environment we have within our family, we don’t have to repeat how we were brought up if we want it to be different.

Pete with Mum and Dad

The word ‘Crean’ means ‘heart’. I would say that my husband has learned through his life experiences to have a heart for people. He is compassionate and kind, especially to those who are downtrodden and rejected by society. He chooses to honour his parents through his lifestyle.Dad’s heart might not have much longer to keep beating but he can be assured that the hearts, thoughts and prayers of his family will be with him now and always.

Daughter of a Missionary

Posted on June 4, 2014 by thewildcreanberries

To be honest, when mum asked me to write this blog post it was just after I had a huge blowout at her about how much I dislike (to say the least) the fact that they live on the other side of the world and had given up their lives to help those in need. People often look at missionaries and volunteer workers and say how wonderful it is that they have given up their lives to help those in need and that it’s such a heroic act. It seems that people don’t often think of the practical things like the sacrifice the rest of their family makes for this to happen. When mum and dad told me that they had decided to move to Kenya I thought that it was a “nice idea” for them to do something different. I had lived overseas before and knew that I would survive without them. But not long after they left for Kenya I felt like my right arm was chopped off. I think this was because I knew they weren’t coming back easily. After a few months of them being over in Kenya I was struggling a lot and decided to move back to New Zealand where all my extended family are.

Here are 5 things I have learned over the past year and a half:

You’re allowed to miss them

I miss the daddy daughter coffee dates, the ability to live at home (DON’T UNDERESTIMATE THE AWESOMENESS OF BEING ABLE TO LIVE AT HOME! Seriously though, I miss it quite a lot and wish I hadn’t taken it for granted), the painful but great back and neck massages mum gives, the long walks on the beach talking about life with my parents, family outings, special moments with my sister (which were few and far between since we were always arguing), and the list goes on. At first I felt guilty that I missed them because they were doing “such an amazing thing” but then came to realise that it’s my right as their daughter to say I miss them.

Most people don’t understand

No one tells you how empty life can be without family. No one tells you how hard it is to organise skype dates between different time zones. No one tells you how scary it is when you hear of bombings and disasters that are just around the corner from where you know your parents are. The matter of the fact is no one tells you because no one really knows until you’re in the same situation. I don’t actually know anyone else who is a missionary’s kid.

Your parents are irreplaceable

The other week I was thinking about the future. What is going to happen when I get married one day? Is my dad going to be able to afford to come to my wedding and walk me down the isle? (He has no option; he’s going to be there whether he likes it or not thank you very much!) When I have my first child is my mum going to be able to be there to hold my hand through the ordeal? How often will they be able to see their grandkids? I don’t want my kids to miss out on having their crazy Crean grandparents around. There is no one who can ever replace my parents in those moments.

Make “other family”

Throughout my life when travelling I have learnt to make other people my “other family” when mine aren’t around. Since living in New Zealand I have somehow managed to find Luke, my prince charming. (Awww!) His family, the Rutlands, have become my family, not because its kind of what happens when you get in a relationship, but because I chose for them to be. His dad, Andrew, takes me for driving lessons, makes me laugh, and gives me great advice. His mum, Sharon, (it’s a weird coincidence that our mums have the same name…) takes me for coffee, gives me hugs and talks with me about life. His sisters, Amy and Hannah, (another weird name coincidence which gets very, VERY confusing) have become my other sisters whom I can laugh with, argue with and cause mischief with. And his gran is one of the coolest gran’s around! I couldn’t do life here without them. I can’t say thank you enough to them for being so supportive and loving me like their own.

Accept the fact that there is no such thing as normal anymore

As a missionaries kid you have to learn to modify your thinking of the basic things. What do you do at Christmas time, Fathers Day, Mothers Day, your birthday? Who do you spend those days with? Everyone else has his or her families.

I’ll tell you a secret: every other day I feel like calling my parents and telling them that I hate the fact that they chose to live in Kenya and that they should come back and live close to me. But I know deep down that this is what my parents are called to do. I know they wouldn’t be happy just living a “normal” life in Australia or New Zealand. And even though most of the time it sucks not having a normal family, I am really proud and glad that they are doing what they love.

2 Months On The Road

Posted on May 5, 2014 by thewildcreanberries

So here we are at the end of 7 weeks travelling through various countries (UAE, India, Singapore, Australia & NZ). We’ve spent a lot of time talking, talking and more talking. This has included primary and secondary schools, Rotary Clubs, business meetings, churches and university students. In between we’ve done lots of coffee meetings doing catchup with supporters and friends.

So here’s some advice for those thinking of doing the long trip idea:

1. Lock in time out

I’ve made the mistake of not doing this. The idea was to get along to the doctors for a checkup and places like the skin cancer centre. It just didn’t happen and it simply was my fault. In the end I even had to cancel other meetings because of a lack of time.

2. Plan for travel time

I didn’t put enough time in to get from A to B, especially in New Zealand. Because we hadn’t lived there for over 12 years I’d forgotten how tricky it is to get around it fast within a strict budget. I should’ve put in an extra day for travel without appointments on that day.

3. Book in a hotel sometimes

We were really blessed to be able to stay for free at peoples homes. It meant staying on mattresses, pull out couches, spare beds and bed sharing most of the time. I never realised how much my daughter snored until this trip. A real highlight was booking a couple of nights in a Melbourne hotel. Sure, I got it super cheap (why pay full price for anything) but just having that was very special. I highly suggest that every now and then when you ‘re on the road long term to do the same. I know it sounds weird but being able to go to the toilet without having to rush or someone else banging on the door is a wonderful thing.

4. Take time out for friends

Speaking to large groups is great you get the advantage of the masses. However there’s nothing like one on one coffee with friends. Not only do you not have to keep telling your story over and over again, but you get to just be yourself. Sitting down to have a laugh and a coffee while reconnecting is worth the world. I don’t think I’ve eaten and had so many drinks (don’t worry I don’t drink alcohol) for a very long time. To me my relationship with people is even more important than the work I do.

5. Pack lightly

I’m kind of impressed with myself for how little clothing we brought with us. ¾ of our baggage was actually filled with merchandise that we would be selling. The only things I didn’t wear were my swimmers and running shoes. Shoes because I didn’t even have time to get out in the fresh air for some exercise. You’ll find we all pack too many clothes when travelling. I foolishly thought that it would be warm where we were going. In Christchurch it dropped below 9 degrees and I froze to death. Hence, always take a jacket.

6. Rethink the 8 week idea

We got to about 5 weeks and thought ‘it’s time to go home’. I remember when we were travelling for 8 weeks in Africa as a family and we got to about 6 weeks and thought the same. Continually travelling is exhausting work. If you can break it up with a week off I think that would be better. However, for me, I was going to be away from my husband for 7 weeks and that was way too long so I wasn’t going to make that happen. However, thanks to a Kiwi friend we have a week together in Dubai at the end of the trip.

7. Take a trip buddy with you

I had our daughter Liz travelling with me for the entire time. It was a great idea for both of us. I got to see what it was like for her travelling 50 hours just to get to Australia. We got things down to a tee. Liz would set up the audio visual equipment, I would do the talk and she would pack down. Liz only missed one meeting because a colleague from BeyondWater came to a Rotary meeting instead. Liz was stellar and I couldn’t have done this trip without her. I would’ve got really lonely without her and often we talked on how we could improve on our trip. Liz would often keep me in line and remind me about what needed to get done. I highly suggest having a travel buddy. You need someone to not only laugh with but also someone to cheer up. Having a travel buddy is a must.

Snippets to remember:

– Zip lock bags (avoid toothpaste throughout your bag)

– Pack a pen with your passport

– Put your passport and phone in the same place every time

– Get money transferred into US dollars on this side of the world (best rate)

– Don’t be afraid to ask people for help

The Expat Dilemma

Posted on February 24, 2014 by thewildcreanberries

I’ve read about it, but experiencing it is quite different. I haven’t lived in New Zealand for 12 years and Australia for 16 months. We’re on assignment in Kenya (East Africa) and this visit was to make connections and raise much needed funds to keep us in Nairobi.

Firstly of course is the reverse culture shock – where you return to your home of previous residence. The only chance on our 4 flight trip to exit an airport was in Singapore where we went to my cousins for the day. I’d never been to Singapore so everything was very cool until I spotted a sign that said ‘Be considerate of other drivers and indicate’. I just started laughing in the back seat, I’m not quite sure if it was the 2 sleepless days catching up with me or the thought that this would NEVER happen in Kenya. When we arrived in Sydney there was the increase in early morning train rides that were a shocker and where you felt like an idiot for not knowing. One of the things that really bugged me was the lack of free wireless on offer at the malls. Every mall in Nairobi has some form of free wifi. Because labour is so cheap, toilets at the airport and malls leave for dead the quality of toilets in Aussie. I was so disgusted with Sydney airport toilets but I did appreciate those hand driers that are supersonic and dry your hands with just one pass in the drier.

Liz boarding. The bonus of NOT being 9hrs from the nearest beach.

The biggest sense is that of not belonging. I miss the familiarity of Nairobi and how Kenya works. Sydney is definitely not home anymore. Partly because Pete isn’t there and partly because we have moved on. Liz and I even went to a leaders meeting at our local church and my thought was ‘It’s great here but man would we be bored if we returned’. While it was great seeing friends and family, I also have friends and family in Kenya.

We were only in Sydney for just under 2 days to fly to NZ for a family reunion and then kick off a 6 week speaking tour. The last time I was at a family reunion I was 8 and our family lived about 4 hours away so we didn’t see the others very often anyway. So here’s this bunch of total strangers spending a weekend together at a remote beach that only those 60+ really have memories of. The rest of us sort of knew each other but it was just a matter of who are you, whose your parent and what have you been up to for the last 36 years? The saddest thing about choosing to live overseas is the lack of connection with family. There’s no holidays together, no shared memories. It doesn’t sound much, but it is quite a huge thing.

Downside of 8 weeks on the road – wild hair.

In Kenya, customer service is a top priority but obviously not here. A taxi driver said about our one suitcase “I’m not lifting that into the car by myself”, hmm, don’t become a cab driver then!

I keep reminding myself that it is just different and we are not here forever. It’s not all bad. Family go out of their way to make you feel welcome. People are interested in your story and so far the weather has been good.

It’s early days yet but I think this trip will be worth it. I hold my breath and hope that we raise the necessary funds because we really do want to stay in Nairobi and work with the most amazing young people on the planet.

Who are we loyal to?

Posted on August 31, 2012 by thewildcreanberries

We’ve had the Olympics and now it’s the Paralympics. In January next year there will be the Special Olympics Winter Games.

Some times we’re a bit schizophrenic about our allegiances. Firstly, we’re Kiwis living in Australia. That in itself can cause all sorts of problems. We’ve a split household. I’m a die hard for the Aussies, except when the haka is on, I’m for the Kiwis. Everyone else goes for the All Blacks.

The Olympics and other world competitions are a whole other story. We’re super proud of the Aussies and we even bought Liz an Australian flag, which she draped over the couch when watching the games. It was cool that the Kiwis did well. There’s so much friendly banter between the Aussies and Kiwis, but underneath things, it’s serious business.

Everyone knows the Kenyans and Ethiopians are the best long distance runners in the world, and we back them. When the athletes came out at the opening of the games I couldn’t help get a bit teary eyed. The sacrifice that everyone (including their families) have made, the stories of hardship and victories are inspiring and especially so for those from countries where every day is a struggle.

I’m biased to the African nations and make no apologies for it.

In a couple of months we move to Nairobi, the place we’ll call home. When it comes to ANZAC Day, we’ll be there with the other Kiwis and Aussies. We have New Zealand passports but have a great relationship with the Australian High Commission.

The fact is, we live in a global society. Home is where the heart is, and for us, Kenya will be it. Yes, we’ll still cheer for the All Blacks, and are proud to wear Aussie colours but we’ll be Kenyan through and through.

What a Blast!

Posted on June 12, 2012 by thewildcreanberries

We’ve just spent 11 days in chilly New Zealand. For those who don’t know much about the country, it’s only a 3 hour flight from Sydney, and our homeland. We left there 10 years ago, tired of being broke youth pastors, started our lives all over again and now we’re off to Kenya for the next 20 years, how crazy is that!

Our time in NZ was primarily to say goodbye to Pete’s parents (mine have passed on) so we thought we might as well fit in as many people as possible. We quite literally ate our way through the week, with everyone saying ‘Let’s have a cup of tea and a meal’. I think we rolled off the plane last night!

The coolest thing was that we met up with lots of people who had a significant impact on our lives while we lived there. The downside was that there were also lots of people who we missed out on visiting simply because of a lack of time.

It was great to be able to be prayed for, sent off by our old church and blessed by so many people. It certainly wasn’t a holiday though, one day we had 5 back to back meetings. We could’ve been there for 20 days, but I still think we wouldn’t have seen everyone. We traveled 1600km’s just in the central North Island.

It makes you realise that you don’t do life by ourselves, that was never God’s intention. Just as it takes a village to raise a child, so it takes a whole community to raise an adult. Our destiny is wrapped up in the lives of people we actually do life with.

So while we consider ourselves honorary Aussies, we thank all the Kiwis who put up with us, loved us, disciplined us, and helped us along the way.

To us people matter the most and we’ve had the privilege of spending some time with just a few of our Kiwi family. See you all in about 3 years.

thewildcreanberries

Our Adventures In Kenya & Beyond

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